The pornographic film Pirates or Pirates XXX was once the hottest porn movie on the market. This movie had a budget of over $1 million. It was one of the first porn films to be an HD DVD. So, it’s no wonder the film has won 11 AVN (Adult Video News) awards. However, with the film being made in 2005, it’s a wonder if people still remember this movie. Here’s my deep dive on Pirates and how it’s held up in the last 18 years.
The film begins with the bride Isabella (Carmen Luvana), and her new husband Manuel (Kris Slater) on a ship, off for their honeymoon. Things get sexy quickly with the first sex scene of Isabella and Manuel’s consummation. In this scene, Manuel and Isabella explore each other’s bodies for the first time, taking their time going down on each other and then fucking. Like most of the movie, this sex scene features a lot of close-up shots of her pussy and his cock. Maybe the producers use these close-ups to make the film more movie-esque. Some positions we see the happy couple in seem to be a bit awkward or unrealistic for someone looking to copy the moves.
Overall, the dialogue is decent, and I think most wives would want their husbands to be as caring as Manuel is to Isabella in this scene. The music in the background sounds like a rip-off version of Pirates of the Caribbean and has a more romantic tone to match the plot.
The Pirate Ship
We see the pirates for the first time on their ship, excited that they found our married couple’s ship in the distance. Captain Stagnetti (Tommy Gunn) and his first mate Serena (Janine Lindemulder) discuss their plans for capturing Manuel to somehow find some hidden treasure. You can tell this film was made in the 2000s from the bad CGI and green screen moments we see with the ships and ocean shots, but back then people probably didn’t read too much into these moments. They are a bit distracting from the plot and scenes at times for those watching in current times.
When the pirates raid the ship, we see fighting and killing, but no blood, which turns me off. Pirates are supposed to be bold and brash and kill without a second thought, and the lack of fake blood feels like a lapse in plot. The pirates take Manuel hostage, throw Isabella overboard, and destroy their ship.
Pirate Hunter Group
In the next scene, we are introduced to our pirate hunter group, with Captain Edward Reynolds (Evan Stone) and first mate Jules (Jesse Jane). Captain Edwards talks of how Jules helps everyone’s mental status on board, and the scene cuts to Jules sucking off and fucking a crew member. They then find Isabella in the water and bring her aboard their ship, as she tells them what happened with the pirates. Captain Edwards declares they are pirate hunters and will help find Manuel and kill the pirates who took him.
The crew says they must dock soon for food and supplies like potassium nitrate. This talk of powders for the cannons seems somewhat accurate, but could very well not be (I’m not a cannon expert so we’ll just slide by the inaccuracy). For someone like me, these inaccuracies take away from the plot, but for anyone else, would errors like this even register?
The Captain goes on a spiel about how great a pirate hunter he is (yet we know he hasn’t killed or captured any pirates), and how this tragedy is a great opportunity for him to obtain status, wealth, and women. This discussion plays into the stereotype of men “back then” and adds a somewhat comedic relief since the captain is portrayed as quite stupid compared to the women in the film. Onward, the hunters sail to Sword Scabbard Island to gather supplies and look for Captain Stagnetti and his crew.
Himbo Attitude
As we see both crews interact on the island, it is obvious there is a sexual tension between characters like Marco and Jules, and Captain Edwards and every woman he sees. With the “himbo” attitude he carries, Edward falls victim to two prostitutes when they tell him they have information about Stagnetti. Thus, the next sex scene features Edward and the two wenches in a threesome in a brothel. The girls try to get Edward off the pirate talk by getting naked and rubbing their bodies on either side of him until he breaks and one girl sucks his dick. The scene escalates into a full-on threesome; Edward fucking one girl doggy style while the other girl kisses him and slaps the other girl’s ass. The girls take turns fucking Edward until the scene cuts to Jules and Marco.
Marco Loves Jules
Marco is a resident on the island who claims to love Jules, yet hates her for leaving him long ago. With little words, Jules seduces Marco and they fuck on the floor in the backroom of a bar. Jules lets Marco fuck her until she takes control and rides Marco. After she’s done getting off using him, she leaves without a second thought. Meanwhile Marco is in emotional distress over Jules leaving him once again. Kind of hard to watch a grown man cry on the floor after he got fucked by a hottie who wants nothing to do with him. Jules goes off to find more information about the pirates.
The scene cuts back to Edward and his whores after they are finished fucking and one girl tells him where he can find Stagnetti on the island. This woman does not want Edward to leave and causes commotion about wanting to be with him forever (this comes back into the plot later). Edward and Jules find each other and want to go find Stagnetti, but Marco and another pirate capture them first.
Incan Man
The pirates during this time are hunting for an Incan man, who supposedly is the one to show Stagnetti how to get to the treasure he is searching for. He kills a priest hiding the Incan, who shows himself to save the priest. But Stangetti uses a special knife to kill the Incan, which gives visions of where to go to complete his victory. Serena has some serious thoughts on leaving the pirate’s life but shoves it away when her captain is near.
After this, we see Isabella kidnapped quickly and quietly while she is with another crew member of the hunters and is brought to a random room surrounded by men and one woman. While tied to a chair, they expose her breasts and the new woman (Jenaveve Jolie) starts playing with her tits and then eats her pussy. Isabella is overcome with pleasure and begins playing with this new woman’s body. They engage in cunnilingus and finger blasting from each other and Isabella begins to truly enjoy this new experience. All the men in the room watch the women, now on the floor together, and drink. Once Isabella finishes her orgasm, one man yells “Land Ho!”, which I thought was an interesting dialogue choice.
Tied Up
We then cut back to Edward and Jules tied up inside a burning house, trying to figure out how they can get out when the woman who was obsessed with Edward shows up. She tells Edward she will only free them after he fucks her (yes, in the burning building). Edward agrees, and we get a scene of him licking her pussy in the light of the fire. The music sounds more serious, playing with the obvious danger of fire present. Edward bends her over in a few different positions before finally finishing in her mouth. After he’s done, he simply asks, “Can we go now?” and the scene shifts again. In some cuts of the different positions and acts, the fire looks like it’s getting worse and closer to them, but by the end, it looks as if it’s barely there, which isn’t very cohesive.
Pirate Dancer
We return to Isabella after she and the other “pirate dancer” are finished fucking in front of the group of men. One man tells her they’re sorry for nabbing her, and that the other dancer didn’t show up for the performance. She agrees to be paid with the potassium nitrate that’s handy, as they need it for the ship’s cannons. The other crew member finds her and they return to the ship together. Edward and Jules escape the burning building and return to the ship to follow the pirates, as they are headed to their next destination.
On the pirate ship, we see Stagnetti confront Serena about her intentions of being a pirate and a part of the crew. Later in the captain’s quarters, we see Serena appear and threaten Stagnetti with a knife to lick her. The captain complies and eats her out while she strips her clothes. She then gets down on her knees and sucks his dick before they fuck each other. The music in this scene is faster-paced and more desperate, maybe to align with Serena’s feelings about being a pirate. After they finish, Serena tells Sagnetti to never second guess her again (some foreshadowing here).
Pirate Hunter’s Ship
On the pirate hunter’s ship, we see Jules and Isabella talking in a cabin. Isabella tells Jules of her breaking her vows to her husband by sleeping with a woman on Sword Scabbard Island. Jules comforts her and says it’s not a big deal in the slightest. Isabella tells her she would want to do it again with a woman, which marks the beginning of the next girl-on-girl scene. This sex scene is much more intense than other scenes. This scene had women slapping each other, being rough by choking, teasing each other, scissoring, and finger-blasting both of their pussies and assholes. This scene seems a bit more chaotic, faster-paced, as if they truly need each other in this sexual way. Did pirates not have dildos or strap-ons? It looks like they need something else in this scene.
Island Arrival
The pirates arrive at an island where evidence of many shipwrecks lies in the waters. Hunters are close behind them, and dock a boat on the other side of the island to where the pirates did to track them. The CGI and green screens used in this part of the film are rather ghastly to see. Poor quality leaves little room for thoughts of sexy fantasy. As the pirates lead Manuel into a cave to retrieve the treasure, Captain Edward, Jules, and Isabella follow close behind. Edward holds Serena hostage with a knife, but Stagnetti says he couldn’t care less about what happens to her.
Stagnetti uses the secret treasure staff to resurrect skeleton warriors and makes his escape to his ship. Edward, Serena, Jules, Isabella, and Manuel then try to fight off the skeletons, only to realize more keep being reborn. They make a run for their ship and return with no wounds. The real pirate battle then begins with both ships making a run for the other. The pirates attack with cannons, causing damage to the ship while the hunters are trying to get their cannons loaded. As the pirates circle back around for the final shots, our heroes make three cannon shots that seemingly destroy Stagnetti and his ship. This seems like the most unrealistic part of the movie. It takes more than one loaded cannon to shoot three times in a row.
New Crew
After the new crew sails away with victory, we see Isabella and Manuel reunite in bed. Isabella tells Manuel of her broken vows, but like any man, he doesn’t mind and wants a chance to see her with another woman in the future. They resume their first scene together, making it more passionate and romantic than some of the other sex scenes. Isabella rides Manuel from the front and then switches to the reverse cowgirl position as they moan for one another. To get Manuel to finish, Isabella sucks his dick dry before they kiss and lie together.
Pirate Freedom
In another room on the ship, we see Serena and Jules talking together. Serena tells Jules she doesn’t know what to do with her new freedom from being a pirate. With sexual tension rising, the two kiss and begin to touch each other. The music escalates into a faster-paced instrumental, as the two tease each other with kisses and touches.
Suddenly, both are naked and fighting for control over the other; spanking, pulling hair, and choking one another. The positions are wild and seem a little uncomfortable, but you wouldn’t think that with how they handle each other. They scissor, finger each other in both the pussy and asshole, lick and suck each other’s tits and moan wildly. In the end, Serena seems to be the one in control. She takes a lit candle and shoves it in Jule’s ass. She screams in pleasure and Serena adds a second lit candle in her pussy, all while spanking Jules. The scene ends with the two facing each other, fingering the other’s pussy until they both come and kiss each other.
The film ends with the group talking on the ship’s main deck, making talk of Isabella and Manuel’s thanks for rescue and the next adventure for the rest of the pirate hunters. The ending line of the movie comes from Serena who says, “Drink up me hearties, Serena is now hunting thee.” We see the boat sail off into the (badly green-screened) ocean.
Overall
Overall, I think the plot is solid. There is drama, comedic relief, and of course, sexy scenes to keep everything moving. The way the producers cut scenes adds to the movement of the plot but keeps from revealing too much. However, some of the “pirate speak” seems more corny than a helpful addition of pirate submersion. Some of the actors are better than others, which is obvious in some scenes because you want them to stop talking and get on with the sex. Some other minor details, like how all the women have acrylic nails, not only show the 2000s culture but also take away from the “realistic” pirate time.
The costumes, set design, lighting, and music used in the film are all solid in my opinion, keeping to the theme well. In reviews online of Pirates, viewers touch on the very 2000s culture, like the nails, large fake breasts, lack of body hair (even on men), and airbrushed skin. An interesting thought others say, is that porn films bear resemblance to musicals, using musical scenes to further plot and suspend characters before the film returns to what one might think of as “the real world” in the film, whereas here sex scenes are used as a sense of pacing and the story is suspended by them.
Plotting Sex Scenes
This film is a good example of how the sex scenes flow with the plot. Especially since in the first hour there are only four of the ten sex scenes in the first half of the movie. It’s interesting that porn movies never really evolved past this point from a movie perspective. Rather they went the other way with shorter videos and a smaller budget.
The popularity of big-budget porn movies may have dwindled with the advancements in technology these days, especially the internet. Many popular porn videos today are shorter and tell less of a story, possibly due to people wanting to get off quicker than before, or because it’s just about the sex for them. This movie is fun and lighthearted. It may be a good place to start if you’ve never watched a porn film or if you’re watching with a partner. Even though some may consider this movie old or out of date, there are plenty of things you can imitate or take for your own pleasure.
Written By: Sophie
Sophie is an IU journalism graduate. She is passionate about the taboos surrounding sex and the pleasure industry here in conservative Indiana-land. Sophie is also an advocate for sexual assault survivors. She is a born and raised Hoosier, enjoys reading fantasy books, spending time with her cat, and getting dirty outside in nature.”
She pronounces her name, Sophie (so-fee) Hochstetler (hoe-stet-ler). Feel free to email us at circlecitynews@hotmail.com
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