Would you want your daughter on OnlyFans?

Daughter and woman together
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Dear Daughter,

A thoughtful question loaded with a misogynist undertone. As I have twins, one of each gender, let me explain my answer.

For someone to understand how a technological sex platform can be empowering to women, we must discuss the ways women are programmed and treated regarding their bodies and sexuality from a young age. Girls will be told they can’t wear shorts and tank tops in middle school because it distracts the boys. In some cultures, they will be told that’s not even enough, you must cover your hair and face to not tempt men. This idea of being sexualized by boys will start very early. You may even believe something is wrong with your body. There is nothing wrong with it.

You will experience boys trying to touch your body as your start developing breasts. They will do things like touch your butt and call it an accident. Or snap your bra in the lunch line. You will get comments about your breasts throughout puberty and your life. You will believe something is with wrong you. There isn’t.


So, we will discuss an important word very early called CONSENT. This is a word that holds all of your power in this world as a girl. Consent means you have autonomy over your body. People do not get to touch you without your permission. This includes hugs, kissing and touching of any kind. We will start having this conversation early and often because advocating for your body will become imperative as you get older and we discuss the ways women are put into dangerous situations because of their body and how their bodies and participation as a sexual being are not treated equally as men.

The well known ideology around the participation of sex as a male and being applauded for sexual behavior will be in stark contrast to how a woman is perceived for the same or similar behavior. There are words used in derogatory ways specific to women such as slut, whore, easy, and worse. These are not true. You are free to express your sexual energy however you wish. Please remember to be responsible and safe. We will have more conversations about how to do this. A woman’s sexual energy belongs to her and is completely normal part of being human. It’s ok to be curious and want to explore your body and and sexuality too.

Revenge Porn

You will learn that you will likely be subject and possibly victimized by the sexualization of your body. This is where you may feel traumatized and disempowered as you experience any of these. As your mom, I have been date raped, sexually harassed at work, harassed and stalked, treated like a sexual consumable with the ‘hook up’ culture. l have even been the victim of revenge porn (the newest way to try to shame and humiliate women for their bodies and sexuality). There may be other ways that you experience this. Please know this system was set up long before you or I were born. This is why we learned about consent and speaking up to defend ourselves.

There is a new way of experiencing sex that is more recent to our culture called technological sex. Virtual sex platforms actually can be a safe way to explore your sexuality and curiosities in comfortable ways that will keep you safe from unwanted pregnancies, diseases and doing things you may fantasize about but not be ready to try in person. As we have began using technology as ways to express our sexual desires and social needs, this will be a newer way to do so that not many people are openly embracing yet but actively participating in.

Technological Sex

However, it is very likely you will be participating in technological sex at some point. Technological sex is already socially and morally accepted in our culture with the invention of the dating app platforms. These virtual sex behaviors include: sexting, sharing and exchanging nude photos and virtual sexual video chats and videos. Sex as a private experience in the bedroom has now gone online for the majority of people and can be virtually shared with others.

You will find that as a woman there is a new way to target women and shame them for this behavior. It is called Revenge Porn. It is primarily used to weaponize technological sex that women participate in and use pictures and videos of women without their consent to shame and humiliate them for participating in the same behaviors men are as well.

Dick Pics

In fact, men may send you pictures called dick pics without asking for them. We called that unsolicited. Our culture has accepted this behavior by men as a byproduct of virtual sex and is a common thing for women to experience. These pictures, since they are of a man’s body will not be considered pornographic, he will not lose his job or have them posted without his consent in an attempt to humiliate and shame him because that experience does not exist for men.

Unfortunately, laws lag behind technology. My hope is to advocate for more laws holding people accountable for creating revenge porn for doing this to women so you don’t have to be victimized. We will need many discussions about this.


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